Wednesday on Writing - SCBWI's First Pages Event: Saturday, March 10th at St. James Church, Hyde Park, NY

I had a great experience on Saturday, March 10^th, at “First Things First” – SCBWI’s First Pages Event, featuring editors Molly O’Neill (of Katherine Tegan Books, an imprint of HarperCollins); Lynne Polvino (of Clarion Books, an imprint of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing) and agent John Rudolph (of Dystel & Goderich) giving critiques of all attendants’ first page manuscripts. It was the first of its kind in the Hudson Valley, and I think it was enlightening and informative. It was held in the parish hall of St. James Church in Hyde Park, NY – a good space for the 50-person attendance. Banquet tables were set up throughout the room – I sat with our local Shop Talk writers: Michelle M, Lisa K, Heather V, Marita R, Irene K, and Lobsang C (with his moral support, Patrick). It was a long afternoon, and at the end of the 4 ½ hours, my arm and hand were sore and tired from taking so many notes – but it was worth it.

(Some of my fellow Shop Talk writers at my table)

Nancy Castaldo, SCBWI’s Eastern NY regional director, began by introducing the editorial panel, and speaking about the four ongoing Shop Talk events in the region. In addition to our local Mid-Hudson Shop Talk in Poughkeepsie, there is an Orange/Rockland County one in Suffern; a Northern Country one in Plattsburgh; and a Capital District one in Guilderland. Information on the meetings can be found on SCBWI’s Eastern NY website: http://scbwi-easternny.org/shoptalk.php.

(Nancy Castaldo introducing Lynne Polvino, John Rudolph, and Molly O’Neill)

She also announced an event with Cheryl Klein, Executive Editor at Arthur A. Levine Books (an imprint of Scholastic) and the author of Second Sight: An Editor’s Talks on Writing, Revising and Publishing Books for Children and Young Adults (2011, Asterisk Books). It will be in Colonie, on October 13, and registration will start in June. Nancy said that Cheryl Klein does events nationwide, and they always sell out. This should be a really interesting event – I’ll look out for more information on the website: http://scbwi-easternny.org/conferences.php.

Four of the event’s organizers – Karen Kaufman Orloff, Della Ross Ferreri, Barbara Wells, and Catherine Ciocchi – were also readers. The readings were timed – each panel member had about a minute to respond to each first page, for a total of five minutes per page.

(Karen Kaufman Orloff reading a manuscript)

We were all given a list of first page titles, and the order in which they would be read. The manuscripts were anonymous – only the title and age level and genre was given; not the writers’ names. The submissions were pretty evenly divided between picture books and novels for middle-grade or teen readers. There were two non-fiction titles – one was a picture book and one was a middle-grade biography. Each of the readers read about a dozen of the manuscripts.

My manuscript was 25^th on the list, exactly at the halfway point. I had submitted the first page of What Luck, my novel for tween readers, age 10 – 13. I’ve had a 15-page, first chapter version of this manuscript critiqued several times – twice at SCBWI’s Mid-Hudson conference, where one year an editor gave very positive feedback, even saying that she’d be interested in reading more (unfortunately I didn’t have a complete manuscript to send to her); and another year an agent had some problems with it. I also submitted the manuscript to YA author Kelly Going several years ago, when she gave a writing workshop at Merritt Bookstore in Millbrook. She gave it a favorable and encouraging critique. So I was curious to see how my first page would fare.

Della Ross Ferreri read the page, and I think she did a great job conveying the voice of my character, 13-year-old Mallory, who is upset that her mean, superstitious great-grandmother is coming to live with her family. I carefully watched the editorial panel during the reading, and even took pictures of them, to see their reactions to it.

(Della Ross Ferreri reading my first page)

(The editorial panel listening to my first page)

I learned a lot from the panel’s feedback. I was glad that Lynne Polvino and Molly O’Neill gave favorable comments about my opening paragraph. Lynne said that the beginning (where Mallory foreshadows that she’s not superstitious – yet) is strong and intriguing, and Molly said that it’s nice. Molly also liked a line where Mallory says that she just wants things to stay the same.

But Molly also said that the first page should be tighter – the language can be cut down but still show the sentiment. John Rudolph said that the first page is all background, telling about stuff that happened before the great-grandmother came. He suggested cutting the back-story, to start the actual story quicker. And Lynne agreed that the reader doesn’t need to know all the background details. Molly said it’s OK to write it all down first, in order to get to the real beginning of the story. She said that sometimes a story starts at chapter 3, but it’s not apparent in first drafts.

I do agree with their criticisms – looking at the first page, I realize that there is no dialogue or action. It is all telling, and not showing. And of course, one of the most well-known rules of writing is “Show, don’t tell.” I appreciate the editorial panel’s comments, and will follow their advice in a rewrite, as soon as I can get to it. I’ll cut back the paragraphs of exposition, and convey that information through dialogue, mixed in with action. Fortunately, I don’t have a problem with revision; I actually really like doing it. Sometimes so much, that I tend to fall into a cycle of write and rewrite, without really moving the story forward much. That’s one of the reasons that I have so many works-in-progress, rather than finished manuscripts. But I’m encouraged by the positive comments from Lynne and Molly, as well as the previous favorable critiques that I’ve received for What Luck. I do think it’s a viable story, and I want to write it the best way that I can, until it’s finished.

(Barbara Wells reading a submission)

One of the great things about this event is that each writer could learn something from every page critique; not just the writer’s own. I was especially interested in the middle-grade and young adult novel critiques, and I noticed that the panel made similar comments and instructive points about many of the submissions.

My manuscript wasn’t the only one that emphasized telling over showing. Several first pages were full of detailed descriptions and settings – John described it as “people watching things from tall places.” There’s too much seeing and thinking, rather than doing, and that makes the characters seem removed from the action of the story. However, a couple of first pages were heavy on dialogue, and the panel advised that such an opening needs to better establish the characters and the context of the story. So a good story has a balance of showing and telling. And clarity is also important, to give the reader a connection to the story.

A character’s voice and attitude is critical – characters need to be fully-realized and relatable to readers. It’s OK give realistic flaws to characters, to keep them from being too perfect. And a quirky voice should have a quirky character to match. The age and language of the characters should be appropriate to the age level of the intended reader. Most kids like to read about characters who are slightly older than they are, so chapter book characters are usually around seven or eight; middle-grade characters are usually around ten to twelve, and young adult characters are high-school aged, or maybe college freshmen, but never older. The panel cautioned about using curse words – it’s OK if there’s a reason in the story for such strong language, but that could also limit the its audience.

Some manuscripts seemed over-written, with too much information given at once (they said that can be a problem in historical fiction) or with language that is noticeably very lyrical and beautiful. The panel said that it can be tricky to get the right balance between the way the story is told and the actual story. Lovely language is great as long as it’s true to the narrative voice. And informational facts can be measured out among a story’s action and character development, so that they don’t overwhelm the reader.

The panel was intrigued by the stories that started with a problem, or had some tension, or a sense of immediacy. A clear character point of view is important too, to give a sense of perspective. They agreed that a strong first sentence makes them want to read on.

I can keep all of these points in mind, when I’m writing What Luck or any of my other teen novels.

(Catherine Ciocchi reading a manuscript)

The panel made a lot of interesting points in their critiques of the picture book manuscripts. Molly said that kids first understand how stories work through picture books, so a clear beginning, middle and end is important. Young children like stories that are fun, and have a sense of whimsy or humor. A book with an educational theme is good for classroom use – that can expand the market for it. But, like with novels for older readers, the most important aspects of a picture book should be the story and the characters. A lesson can be imparted subtly, within the story.

It’s also important that a picture book is age-appropriate for its intended audience. Many times an adult will read a picture book to a child, but the story should be easy enough for the child to follow and understand. The protagonist should be young, whether it’s a child or an animal or a fantastical creature, and the point of view should be of the protagonist. There should also be some kind of problem for the character to solve.

Some of the manuscripts were too descriptive and wordy, with writing that seemed old-fashioned. The panel said that picture books are shorter and punchier now, and every word should count. They suggested reading a picture book manuscript aloud, to get a feel for the rhythm.

Several of the submissions were written in rhyme. The panel said that rhyme only works if it’s perfect – otherwise, it can sound forced and seem like the rhyme is driving the story. They suggested re-writing a rhyming manuscript without the rhymes – they all agreed that in many cases rhyming language can get in the way of a story, and the story can be better without it.

They all liked the stories that had visual appeal, and left room for an illustrator’s creative interpretation. They said that picture books need to have some different settings and actions, so the illustrations aren’t too much the same. They said it’s OK to give an art note if the text isn’t clear, but they cautioned that a manuscript that is too descriptive or contained too many notes for the artwork, especially on the first page, would be seen as a red flag.

Their critiques about the non-fiction submissions applied to both the picture book and the middle-grade biography. They said a non-fiction manuscript should focus on the main character’s story, from the character’s point of view. They said some non-fiction gets bogged down in research details that can overrun the story. And they said that in historical non-fiction, there’s a tricky balance between historical details and stereotypes that may put off some of today’s readers. They suggested portraying historical characters with details that today’s readers can relate to. They found both of the non-fiction manuscripts to be interesting subjects that they haven’t heard of before.

At the end of the afternoon, Nancy Castaldo gave a wrap-up – “This was a full day!” She said she thought it was very insightful, and everyone seemed to agree.

She also gave some information on a couple of other SCBWI events. There’s an agent event planned in June, in Hudson, NY. It will be a dinner event, with three or four agents and a group of about thirty writers, and the proceeds will benefit the Clavarack Library. There will also be a “Falling Leaves” retreat, focusing on non-fiction, the weekend of November 9 - 11 in Silver Bay in upstate NY.

Nancy said that more information about the events will be posted on the website (www.scbwi-easternny.org) and that the site will change to an updated format soon, around August.

I thought the First Pages event was really helpful and successful, and I look forward to the other interesting events that our Eastern NY region has in store for all of us this year.